“History will judge, but I know enough to know – myself as an historian – that today's headlines are rarely the same as history's judgment and I think that's going to be the case here as well.” – Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, in an interview with ABC’s George Stephanopoulos.
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It’s the year 2102 and tenth-grade students at George W. Bush High School in Bush City, Missouri, (formerly Jefferson City) are in history class, learning about the early 21st century, a period that has come to be known as the Golden Age of American Politics.

“Can anyone name the greatest president in American history?” teacher Juanita Lopez asks the class.

A boy in the front row named Ranjit raises his hand and shouts, “Me, me, me. Ask me!”

The girl behind him, Chantal, giggles and whispers to her friend Selena, “Does he have to answer EVERY question? Isn’t it enough that he won the Spelling Bee?”

“Stop whispering, Chantal,” Lopez says. “Do you know the answer to my question?”

“Doesn’t everyone? It’s George W. Bush. Everything in this city is named after him: the school, the stadium, the stem cell lab.”

“If you knew the answer, why didn’t you raise your hand?”

“Uh … well … I’ve got a reputation.”

“Speaking of reputations, what is Bush remembered for?”

“Me, me, me. Ask me!” Ranjit shouts.

“Mark, do you know?” Lopez asks, calling on the half-asleep boy in the corner.

“He was a true conservationist.”

“Conservative, Mark, the word is ‘conservative.’ Yes, Bush believed strongly in conservative values. He was opposed to abortion, same-sex marriage, and anything on TV after 9 p.m. What else is he remembered for, Mark?”

“Uh … he was the most vacuous president.”

“Virtuous, Mark, the word is ‘virtuous.’ Yes, a couple of decades after Bush left office, some historians gave him the nickname ‘Honest George.’ Others dubbed him ‘Decent Dubya.’ Does anyone know what historians believe ‘Dubya’ stands for?”

“Me, me, me. Ask me!” Ranjit shouts.

“What about you, Selena?”

“D-U-B-Y-A,” Selena says, scratching her head. “I think it stands for ‘Democracy Under Bush Yielded Amusement.’”

“Pretty close,” Lopez says, smiling. “It stands for ‘Democracy Under Bush Yielded Affluence.’ America was a land of great prosperity under Bush. What else is Bush remembered for?”

“Me, me, me. Ask me!” Ranjit shouts.

“Gilbert, you haven’t answered any questions,” Lopez says, looking to the side of the classroom, where a curly haired boy is skimming a section in the history textbook entitled ‘Three Great Leaders of the Past: Gandhi, Mandela and Bush.’

“He saved the world from Saddam bin Laden.”

“Yes, just as Franklin D. Roosevelt helped save the world from Adolf Hitler, Bush saved the world from Saddam. He sent American troops to Iraq to remove the WMD: Wicked, Mean Dictator. Because of the Iraq War, millions of lives were saved. What else did he do, Gilbert?”

“He brought democracy to the Middle East.”

“Not just the Middle East, but the whole world. It took a little while for Democracy to catch on – all the natives had to be killed or tortured first – but once it did, it spread like a computer virus. It started in Iraq, then made its way to Iran, Syria, Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, North Korea, and eventually to Florida. What else is Bush remembered for?”

“Me, me, me. Ask me!” Ranjit shouts.

“Mark, do you know?”

"He was a very divisive leader."

"Decisive, Mark, the word is 'decisive.' Once he made a decision, he stuck to it. He didn’t waver on the Iraq War, even though casualties were mounting. He believed in the mission, believed that the war would eventually be won, and he was proven right in the fall of 2032. Does anyone know why Bush wasn’t still in office then?”

“Me, me, me. Ask me!” Ranjit shouts.

“Chantal, do you know?”

“Uh … he died?”

“No, they had term limits back then. A few years after Bush left office, Congress voted to eliminate term limits for the presidency, realizing that America and the rest of the world had been deprived of many more years of Bush’s wise leadership. Ranjit, it looks like you’re dying to answer a question."

"Yes, yes. Please!"

"Can you name the president who preceded Bush?”

Ranjit closes his eyes and drops his head in shame. "No, I can't," he says. "There’s not a word about him in my textbook.”

Blogging to Get the Truth Out

Posted 10:05 a.m., April 16, 2007: Just heard on Fox News that there’s been a shooting at Virginia Tech. Dozens of people have been shot and at least two have been killed. This is the kind of terrorist attack I’ve been warning everyone about since 9/11. I’m sure the liberal media isn’t reporting this, but there are a number of Muslims at Virginia Tech, most of them posing as students. I’m not saying that one of them may have carried out this attack – I’m saying that several of them may have. This is why I blog – to get the truth out.

Posted 11:35 a.m., April 16, 2007: This attack is worse than I thought. The death toll is now 22! The attack happened in two places on campus, which proves that several Muslims were involved. This was a well-planned attack, probably carried out by terrorists from Iraq, Pakistan and other Arab countries. Osama is celebrating somewhere, I’m sure, throwing a big party in his cave. This is why we’re fighting the war in Iraq. If we can kill them over there, they won’t be able to kill us over here. The anti-war idiots are morons. This is why I blog – to get the truth out.

Posted 12:44 p.m., April 16, 2007: The death toll has reached 33! It’s the worst shooting rampage in American history. Some liberals are saying that America needs more gun control. Baloney! What America needs is MORE GUNS. If the victims had guns, they could have defended themselves. They could have shot back at the terrorists. All students should have the right to carry guns on campus (except the Muslim ones, of course). It’s time we had some real gun reform in America. President Bush needs to make guns and ammo fully tax deductible. He needs to arm every American against the terrorists. Even 5-year-olds can learn how to use guns. Let’s make our kindergartens safer! This is why I blog – to get the truth out.

Posted 3:22 p.m., April 16, 2007: Some media outlets are reporting that the gunman was a young Asian man. I’ve also learned, with help from Wikipedia, that Pakistan is an Asian country! So I was right after all. This attack was carried out by a Muslim from Pakistan. President Bush needs to take swift action against the Pakistanians. Bomb them until they accept democracy. The president also needs to close our borders. We don’t need foreigners coming here, not even those Canadanians. Tell them to build their own Disney World. This is why I blog – to get the truth out.

Posted 9:13 p.m., April 16, 2007: One of the Chicago papers is reporting that the gunman was a foreign student from China. I checked Wikipedia and confirmed my suspicion: China is an Asian country! Wikipedia also says there are 20 million Muslims in China! So I was right after all. This attack was carried out by a Muslim from China. President Bush needs to take swift action against the Chinians. Bomb them until they accept democracy. The president also needs to order background checks on all foreign students, especially the ones from other countries. This is why I blog – to get the truth out.

Posted 9:06 a.m., April 17, 2007: Fox News is reporting that the gunman was an Asian student, a permanent resident from South Korea. I knelt in front of the TV and said, “Please God, let him be a Muslim. If he is a Muslim, I will have so much to write about.” But Fox News let me down. They didn’t say anything about his religion. Dear God, I hope he wasn’t a Christian. I searched the Internet and all I found out was that he was young, slim and quiet, a very troubled man. It looks like he was not Muslim – but he was slim, so I was half-right! This is why I blog – to get the truth out.