The Challenges of Being a Domestic Dad

For several years now, I’ve been a stay-at-home dad, feeding the kids, getting them dressed and refereeing all the fights, while my wife goes to the university to work. You may call me “Mr. Mom” or “Mr. Homemaker,” but I prefer a more respectable term: “houseband.”

Being a stay-at-home dad isn’t easy. Some household tasks, such as washing and drying women’s clothes, just seem to confound the male brain. You don’t know how times I’ve put the fabric softener sheets in the washing machine. They really come out fresh and clean.

Yes, domestic dads face many challenges. And as if that isn’t enough, we also have to deal with society’s expectations. Since my wife goes out to work, she wears the pants in the family and I’m left wearing out the couch. Or at least that’s what some people think. “You don’t want to work?” they ask, almost with disdain. “No,” I feel like saying. “I prefer the nice relaxing life of taking care of three children. It’s like a vacation really, especially since only two of them are in diapers and the third one has been fully trained to change them.”

Stay-at-home dads need more support and guidance. That’s why, as a veteran of the stay-at-home career, I decided to answer a few questions from newcomers to the profession.

Ahmed, London, England: “Because I stay at home, I do all the laundry in our household. But my wife always complains that I don’t fold the towels properly. Aren’t there many different ways to fold towels?”

Stay-at-home veteran: “Yes, there are 325 different ways to fold towels and each of those ways, if you ask your wife, is the WRONG way. As an experienced towel-folder, let me give you some key advice: It doesn’t really matter whether you fold your towels into squares, rectangles, hexagons or octagons. Since you do the laundry, the important thing is to fold the towels in such a manner that all stains and discolorations are hidden from your wife.”

Barry, Toronto, Canada: “I became a stay-at-home dad this year and am finding it very challenging. There’s so much work to do around the house and, with five children to take care of, it’s almost impossible. Got any tips to make it easier?”

Stay-at-home veteran: “Well, for starters, you can train the kids to do a little bit of work around the house. I’ve trained my oldest daughter, for example, to switch channels all by herself. My other daughter has learned to pour juice, slowly and carefully, all over her shirt.”

Ronald, Chicago, USA: “My wife and I were at an insurance office the other day, arranging coverage for our new car. The agent asked me how much driving I do. Before I could answer, my wife said, ‘He hardly ever drives. I’m the one who works.’ I felt really bad. I mean, I do a lot of work at home, taking care of the kids, doing the laundry, keeping track of what’s happening on Oprah. How do I get my wife to realize that I work as hard as she does?”

Stay-at-home veteran: “Congratulations! You are the 1,000th stay-at-home dad to ask me that question. I’m going to send you a wonderful prize: a loaf of bread. So the next time your wife tells someone she’s the one who works, you can say, ‘Oh yeah? Then tell me, honey, who is the breadwinner?’”

Rajiv, Mumbai, India: “I’m a new stay-at-home dad and I’m really enjoying it. I don’t know why some men struggle so much. Sure, there’s a lot of cooking and cleaning to do, but if you’re organized and diligent, you can make sure everything gets done before the servants have to go home.”

Stay-at-home veteran: “Thank you for your comment, Rajiv. I’d really like to see for myself how well your system works. Do you think I could borrow your servants for a few weeks?”